106. Caught Your Teenage Son Vaping? 5 Things to Say (And What Not to Say)

You’re doing laundry, and something hard and plastic falls out of his hoodie pocket. Your stomach drops. If you’ve caught your teenage son vaping (or drinking, smoking weed, or sneaking out), the first words out of your mouth matter more than you think. They decide whether he tells you the truth next time, or just gets better at hiding it.

In this episode, Heidi Allsop, Master Certified Coach and mom of five sons, walks you through what to do before you say a word, the 5 things to say to him, and how to give a consequence that actually teaches. The goal isn’t a perfect kid. It’s a son who thinks, “I’m in trouble. I need to call my mom.”

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why taking the vape away usually isn’t enough, and what you’re really protecting
• The one thing to do before you talk to him (hint: Manage Yourself first)
• 5 things to say: “I’m glad I know,” “Help me understand,” “Do you want to keep doing this?”, “Here’s where our family stands, and why,” and “I’m on your side”
• The 4 phrases to skip, and why they teach him to hide
• How to give a consequence linked to his choice, and how to give him a way back
• What to do if you already yelled when you found out

Quote to remember:
“The goal is not to raise a perfect kid that never makes a mistake. The goal is to raise a kid who comes to you when it matters.”

Restoring your relationship is the fastest way to improve his behavior. 

Related episodes:

• Ep. 93: How to Hold Boundaries and Give Consequences Without Losing Your Teenage Son
• Ep. 22: From Conflict to Connection: How to Rebuild Trust After a Fight with Your Son (the Bridge Method, for when you need a redo)

Want help with your son?
If you’re scared, frustrated, or at a loss for what to do next, come talk to me. I save 5 free Reconnection Strategy Calls every week for moms who are serious about restoring their relationship with their son. Make sure you are one of them. One mom told me she had “lost my confidence as a mom.” Now she says, “my boys and I are back on the right track and thriving.” Schedule your call HERE

For Additional Support:

Visit our website Raisingboysbuildingmen.com HERE

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Grab 8 tips to connect with your son today HERE

 

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